The Voices Within Me

 Estefenia Hermosilla
The dominance of the Inca, the free spirit of the Mapuche, and the bravery of the Spanish conquistador are intertwined deep beneath my skin, making up the blood that pulses through my veins. 


On the outside I may not resemble the mixture that lives rooted inside of me, yet it’s there yearning to be acknowledged. The legacy of my ancestors has been passed on from mother to daughter and father to son from generation to generation and has reached my ears through my own parents. 


I am like the rings on a tree bark ready to reveal a story of the past; all one must do is cut me open and listen to the words of my parents’ echoing voices inside me.

    My mother’s sweet, soft voice resounds inside of me. The stories of her past and her struggles are deeply embedded within me. All I need to do is close my eyes and release the voice of my mother within me so that it can be heard:  

 I am Maria Bethsabe Tapia a mestiza mother of two daughters, Estefania and Carolina. I come from an extremely different world than the one my daughters are growing up in. I was born in the beautiful jungle of Satipo, Peru, however was raised in the capital of Lima because my father’s occupation was very unstable and required him to constantly travel. That left my mother in charge of caring for her seven children, and the house, and managing a way to make ends meet. Seeing my mother struggle to keep the family together inspired me to seek a better life for all of us.

    I came to the United States in search of an opportunity to help my family, leaving behind my beloved homeland and feeling lost in a new world with different beliefs and ideas. I spoke no English, had no job, and did not have much family to support me. Much like my indigenous ancestors years before, I felt forced to adapt to new customs and ideals. Deep inside I knew it was something that I had to do in order to give my family a better future.

    Although I felt lost in this new world, it was here that I found Luis, the love of my life and father of my kids. In him I saw someone who I could trust to be my rock, someone whom I could build a family with despite the differences we had. Luis and I worked hard to give our daughters a range of opportunities. I brought my mother and father to this country so my daughters could learn firsthand about where they came from. I did everything in my power to keep the Peruvian culture alive in my children.

    At first, Estefania was reluctant to soak up everything being offered to her by her grandparents. Every time someone mispronounced her name, a cloud of shame would come over her. Why couldn’t she be named something normal like Samantha or Tiffany? Those names were common and could be pronounced easily, while hers was long and hard to say. When someone would question where she was from, she longed to be able to say one word, one word that would explain it all. Instead she felt stuck between her two halves. Why couldn’t she just be Mexican like everyone else who spoke Spanish? Nothing made sense to her, and so she began to reject everything about the Peruvian culture. She refused to speak Spanish, eat Peruvian food, and say she was Peruvian. She spoke only English, ate pizza and hot dogs, and claimed she was American.

    I knew Estefania would eventually come to her senses so I tried not to pressure her. As time went on and she got older, she realized it was impossible to reject something that was so embedded in her being. She learned to embrace her Peruvian culture rather than be ashamed of it. She learned to be proud of her Incaic heritage and make it a part of who she is.

    The sound of strength and pride echoes inside me. To some this sound may be intimidating at first, but to me it is the most nurturing sound of all, the voice of my father. My father’s story of bravery and resistance has remained a part of me and can easily be heard if you listen carefully enough.

       I am Luis Hermosilla, born in the city of Santiago, Chile to two very young teenagers. I was abandoned by my mother when I was 4 years old because she felt she was not able to raise my brother and me well enough. At that time my father was working in the United States sending home as much money as he could. I was raised by my grandparents but longed to have a mother and a father to watch me grow. The natural beauty Chile has to offer always amazed me. As a kid I would spend most of my day outdoors admiring nature and all it has to offer, just like my ancestors had done years before.

    At age 12 I was forced to leave my homeland and move to the United States with my dad. I began school here and was made fun of because I could not speak English and because I was different. No one here understood my culture and I refused to assimilate and forget about where I came from. I wanted to share with my children the stories of my childhood and to share with them the pride that came along with being Chilean. I wanted to be there for my children to nurture them and to give them all the love they needed to grow and succeed.

    When I met Maria Bethsabe I knew that my wish of having the family I never had would come true. She understood what a struggle it was to come from a different world and she valued my culture as much as she valued hers. We wanted our daughters Estefania and Carolina to grow up knowing about their past but yet being able to form their own identities. I shared all that I had learned about my heritage with them so that they could find a piece of themselves in the Mapuche people of Chile.

    Seeing my daughter Estefania struggle to find herself reminded me of the position I was in when I first immigrated to the United States. Coming from a different country to the United States, it is very easy to give in to the dominating culture and assimilate to a completely new way of life. However, I decided to remain firm and hold on to my roots and knew that although Estefania was going through a tough time, she would as well. She had been raised with the Peruvian and Chilean traditions and values and never questioned them until she was faced with the outside world. She felt different and isolated and wanted to assimilate but remained strong in the end. She learned to be proud of the mixture inside of her and appreciate her uniqueness.

Growing up as an individual with a mixed heritage was a struggle, very hard for me to overcome. Amado Padilla in his study, examines bicultural social development among Latino youth. He states:

"As native-born Americans they are exposed to many of the social forces that ensure their enculturation
as Americans. However, many are pulled back toward the culture of their parents and grandparents who expect their children to demonstrate loyalty to their cultural roots." (Padilla 11)

Juggling various cultures at the same time was a challenge that I had to face. Being able to find myself and claim my identity was not easy and I constantly felt lost between the American culture I faced outside my home and the Peruvian and Chilean cultures which were so dominating inside my home. However, I was able to find a piece of myself in all the cultures that surrounded me and make them a part of who I am today.

    My parents lives have helped me understand my past so that I can better understand who I am and what role I am meant to play in this world. My mother has taught me how to remain strong even when the road gets tough. She has demonstrated how much the Peruvian culture means to her and how important it is for us to take part in it as well. My father’s firm resistance against assimilation has taught me to never back down or reject any part of myself even if it is not the norm. He has showed me to be proud of who I am and not be something I am not. In order for our past to live on we must embrace it and let it be heard.


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